Chuck Norris Broke Me - Or How I Tore My Quad in the Dumbest Way Possible

Summer of 2008 I had the most epic injury of my life (up to that point).  I was taking a mixed martial arts class taught by none other than Chuck Norris.  I had become enthralled with the idea of fighting and protecting myself simultaneously.  I had taken a few classes and gotten pretty cavalier about my abilities.

This is what I THOUGHT I looked like - Bad ass, right?!

What I probably ACTUALLY looked like - less bad ass... :(

At some point we were given chances to spar with each other and one time with The Man Whose Tears Cure Cancer himself.  Things were going fine until I decided to try his signature round house kick...which I did and executed beautifully.  The thing is, Chuck Norris's body is also made out of steel so in the process of executing my amazing skills, I tore one of my quad muscles almost entirely in half.

Lethal Quad Killing Machine

How I Met *MY* Mother (A True Tale of Love and Luck)

In November of 2009 I was kicked out of my house.  Abandoned.  Left to fend for myself.  I had spent some time with my previous roommates and I wasn't expecting to have to figure it out.  I wasn't even aware there were any problems in the house.  I thought everything was going along fine.  Was it ideal and perfect?  No.  But it worked... or so I thought.

So there I was.  Me and my thing.  Outside.  I had no where to go.  No one to go to.  No where to sit down.  So I did what anyone would do - I began walking around aimlessly trying to think of a plan.  A goal.  A way out of this mess of homelessness.  When you live somewhere for 3 years, you never create an alternate plan for when everything falls through.  Why would you?

Tutorial: How To Not Get Kidnapped (Preparing for a Date)

Getting ready for anything can be a chore.  I tend to be the kind of girl who rolls out of bed having showered the night before, throw on the first set of clothes I see in my closet and go about my morning.  When it comes to getting ready to go out, I'm a change my shirt put on deodorant and perfume maybe some mascara and nicer shoes girl.  It's not that I'm lazy, per se, but I am a firm believer that this is what I look like, world! is an acceptable way to live my life.

Don't get me wrong, I can do it up right.  I've attended my fair share of weddings and charity galas to know how to buy and wear a dress/gown and do my hair and make up the "right" way.  I just don't feel like I should look like that every day.

Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to share my planned steps for getting ready for a date (one that I may or may not have Thursday evening.)  Read on...

Marriage and Televisions (That's What My Weekend Was Made Of)

I don't normally do "My Weekend in Review" for you, but this blog is going to be the exception.

However I'm going to only share the most highlight-y of highlights.  You will not read about the soup I had or the beer I drank or even the live band I saw.  You will not be enthralled in the story of how a book almost made me cry at work.  Instead, I will share with you the only two things you need to know about my "weekend" in quotes because I'm including Monday morning.

I'm Not Even Watching It This Season (Why Do I Feel Like I Am!?)

So The Bachelor is back (squeeeee?)

I only know this because people won't shut up about it.  Fun fact: Castle is back, NCIS is back and Law and Order: SVU is back.  You know why you may not have known this?  Because people won't shut up about The Bachelor.

It's Not Who You Know, It's What You Know (About Me!)

Hola reader!  It's been a while because I've been so whelmed that I've had nothing to write.  I can't explain it any better than that.  It believe I've missed two posting days and for that I am sorry.  I can't be held accountable for things.  I will just let you down.

In other news, my blogging friend - Chrissy - recently posted a challenge to her readers (of which I am one) to blog 11 things about themselves that others do not yet know and then answer 11 questions she poses.  Then tag 11 people and suggest 11 questions for them to answer.  I'm going to be lazy and only do half of this.  

How to Build a Fire (A New Approach to Dating)

I took the plunge.  Kind of.  Remember when I expertly crafted a blog about my personal dating life?  Well I decided that if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.  So I'm changing it up.  I'm not going to go on plenty of fish or match.com (no judgment if you are using those, they're just not for me**) but I am willing to give Tinder a try.

Thanksgiving Our Way (or the Highway) - Note: Epic Length Follows (T.W.he.S!)

**Warning, this is a long post, which is why it's being posted on Wednesday rather than Thursday...thought you could use an extra day to read, love and appreciate it.**

While Thanksgiving is a National holiday celebrated by Americans all over, it stands to reason that each person celebrates the same holiday quite differently.  While some families have ham, others have turkey and still others may have a Turducken.  Chander Bing has grilled cheese sandwiches and Funions.  Everyone is different.  So regardless of if it is generic and similar to every one of my readers' holiday weekends, I've decided to describe Thanksgiving as it was celebrated by my family.

T-Gives Live Blog 2013

I went home for Thanksgiving again this year.  I know my family looks forward to seeing me, but I regularly joke that if I didn't go home, they wouldn't have Thanksgiving because I typically cook the entire thing.  This year my sister in law and brother assisted and my sister and her husband purchased the pies as well as provide the cooking location and utensils.

I had been looking forward to this weekend for quite some time as I don't see my entire family more than once or twice a year.  Maybe that seems normal to some, but not to me.  It sucks to me.  As hard as it is to leave sunny and warm South Florida and the little Gizmo-butt, I start a 2 month countdown and get very giddy about it.  This trip to Chicago I finally had a chance to not be bored on the plane - I had accidentally booked the same trip as my friend, Josh Gordon.

So now, without further ado (and with a crap-ton of post-travel editing), please enjoy the live-blog of my trip home for Thanksgiving this year:

Motivation Monday (Or How I Did Things That I "Don't" Do)

So there are things that I've regularly said I "don't" do.  "Oh, I don't run."  "Oh, I don't camp."  We make these statements because we don't THINK we do them, and we'd rather be the ones to knock our ego down a few notches than ever let anyone else see us fail at something.  Or maybe that's just me... So for years, decades even, I've told people that I don't do a lot of things.  It seems, however, that I do actually do many of the things I claim I do not do.  I'm actually quite good at some of those things.

Thursday Thoughts: A Bullet List of Excitement

I'm the type of "blogger" who randomly expounds upon topics that pop into my head at any given moment.  I've put "blogger" in quotes much like I used to put running in quotes.  This is because I believe that doing something periodically does not make you a person who does that thing.  For example, sometimes I paint; I am NOT a painter.  Anyway.  Lately I've been lacking when it comes to discussion topics.  Long gone are the days of dating blogs, the Bachelor live-blogs (you're welcome, J) and rumination on defining myself.  I'm finding myself stuck, for lack of a better term and mostly because I just mentioned painting, with an empty canvas.  I decided instead to list the things that are coming up shortly for which I am excited.

Our Book Club is Better Than Yours

Reading.  I've always enjoyed reading.  When I was little my dad used to read to me every night.  Even when I learned to read myself, my dad would read to me.  He'd come in and let me pick out a book for him to read.  Through my advanced powers of persuasion (i.e. saying please, being adorable and the baby of the family) I usually could get him to read three or four a night.  I would make all kinds of promises about cleaning my room and getting up early just so daddy would read to me more.  He read every Dr. Seuss book I had and Berenstein Bears books...and my personal favorite: The Very Hungry Caterpillar... backwards.  Yup.  Backwards.  My dad is and was amazing.  I would often continue reading after he left me to go to sleep.  My parents would wake up to a pile of books haphazardly thrown onto the floor next to my bed.  I was voracious.

I Define Myself as a Wine Enthusiast

Definition (a definition - cute, right?) - noun (1) an explanation of the meaning of a word, phrase, etc.  (2) a statement that describes what something is  (3) a clear or perfect example of a person or a thing.

I can define a lot of words and concepts if asked.  I'm a super nerd like that sometimes.  You can probably describe a perfect example of a thing.  Dictionaries can define most things to the point that we accept them as factual.  What I'm having trouble doing is defining myself, and here's why:

It's Like a Garage Sale But With Mythical Beings...

Dear Switch Witch,

I'd like for you to take all of my candy and replace it with money.

Sincerely, Debbie

Would You Do Me the Honor of Being My Archenemy??

No one likes being hated.  People either hate feeling hated and will do anything to change someone else's perception of them, or they don't pay any mind to whether or not they're hated.  The latter are rarely hated because the hater gains nothing from the emotion.  However, being hated is important.  The haters are important.  Being hated often adds to our motivation to be true to ourselves in spite of the hate; to succeed; to ascend.*  A writer much better than myself - Chuck Klosterman - has an entire article on this topic here.  For further reading (which is always tangible, funny, surprisingly intuitive and often related to sports or music) pick up Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs immediately.

If you're too lazy or too busy to read the motivation for today's blog post, I'll summarize it for you...

Why I Washed Dishes on February 4th, 2013

Depending on how well you know me, you may know that I have a slight necessity to control things.  I'm not a control freak.  I do not require that things always be done my way or anything horrible like that, but I do often feel a compulsory need to control something.  This usually rears its ugly head in stressful situations or times of emotional stress.  Stress tends to push me to grasp onto some sort of control.  I've recently come to the conclusion that I may not be that "weird" in my controlling.  This epiphany led to this blog.  Just in case (1) you are planning to be around me
a lot and wonder why I do things, or (2) you also find yourself doing the same thing and wonder if you're weird or crazy.  You still may be, but at least you know you're not completely alone.

Aquatic Life Series: Webster and Webster 2.0 (or How PetsMart Stands Behind Their Products)

My sophomore year of college, I was feeling a little bit of empty-nesters syndrome.  My dog (Patches) was at home with my parents and I was feeling quite lonely.  Never mind that I was living in an apartment with 3 of my friends... I felt lonely.  I needed to "parent" something, which in itself is kind of hilarious because I'm not the parenting type.  If you'll recall a couple of blog posts back, I told you the story of how I blew up a frog - Schroeder.  Seeing as how well my stint with Schroeder went, I decided getting another African Dwarf Frog was the answer.

Aquatic Life Series: Schroeder the Frog (...Who Does Not Play the Piano)

As a child, I used to read the comics in the newspaper.  Every weekend.  My parents would sit on either end of the couch with the paper in the middle sifting through the pages they intended to read, intended to give to the other and the ones they were intending to throw away.  I always scooped up the colorful "funny pages" before they ended up in the discard pile.  This has nothing to do with my frog, but it was a memory that popped up when I re-read the title for this post as I decided to blog on this fine day.

Likes: Candle-lit Brunches; Dislikes: Marathons

Every once in a while, I think it is a good thing to shake it up a bit.  Do something different.  Do something you're not sure if you're going to like doing.  Do something you may not be good at.  I think this is essential to life, yet I'm quite the creature of habit and I rarely jump at the opportunity to remove myself from my comfort zone of activities.  Saturday morning I did something new.

Un-Read Book Review Series: The Hunger Games Series

Unless you've spent the last few years in isolation, you have heard of The Hunger Games.  I was saddened to find out that this book wasn't about countries struck by hunger and the fight they face every day to live long enough to procreate and further their family blood lines.