If you're too lazy or too busy to read the motivation for today's blog post, I'll summarize it for you... In your life you should have one person you consider your nemesis and one that you consider your archenemy. Your nemesis you actually sort of kind of like. Your archenemy you hate with the unbridled passion normally reserved for forbidden sexual escapades in a semi-public place - OoooOoo blog topic idea... Women will fully understand this more than men. Guys, if you've ever heard a girl smile and chat with someone and then, as they're walking away, call her a bitch...that's her nemesis. Your archenemy actually wants you to cease to exist, and you they.
This is my blog topic today for two and a half reasons: (1) I may have an opportunity to make a new nemesis soon, (2) today's nemesis is coffee, and (1/2) I don't think I have an archenemy. Maybe the Westboro Baptist Church. They'd probably dance all over my grave [when I die] if they had any knowledge of my convictions and beliefs but I wouldn't do that to them because of those same convictions, so I guess not...
Soon (vague on purpose) I may have a chance to make a new nemesis. No details in case this pans out in my favor - if this can be considered favorable - but I'd really enjoy if she wanted to hate me, but was unable to due to the following reasons: I'm delightful, her friends find me delightful and, most importantly, outwardly hating me would seem petty and immature. I don't want her to actually hate me... I want her to want to, though. Ya know, for the motivation to continue to unabashedly be myself and proud of it. Or something.
Coffee is today's nemesis. Threat level: orange. I was tired and wanted coffee. My coffee wanted to be absorbed through my clothing...so now I am wearing my coffee. Coffee is considered a nemesis because I still love it. I still need it in my life and I would be exceptionally sad if I could no longer have coffee.
The position of archenemy remains wide open. Interested applicants should request more information below.
*I realize how much I sound like LeBron James or Kanye West right now. For this I am both infinitely apologetic and very ashamed.
**FUN GAME: find the Oxford Comma in this blog post.