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Sunday, July 7, 2013

Reevaluating Street Walking and Psychological Health

Reevaluation.  n. The act of judging or determining the value or significance of an item.  We all reevaluate things in our lives.  If you don't, you should.  This morning alone I reevaluated the time for which my alarm was set by gracefully pounding the snooze button until it broke.  That's not an exaggeration, by the way... the fucker is stuck in the down position, permanently snoozing my life for 9 minutes at a time.  I'm choosing to not look at that as a metaphor.  While we all reevaluate things throughout our lives, I find that the most common times we do it knowingly is around life events: birthdays, holidays, impending doom nuptials, babies coming into the world, etc.  Often times these intrinsic times make us question what we've done up to this point and what we want to do from here forward.  Depending on what you take out of it, it can cause frustration, sadness, or excitement.  I've done a good amount of reevaluating over the last 2 months (which is my excuse for not writing anything lately, but is complete bullshit) and thought that maybe you would be interested in some of the things I've taken stock of and/or changed.

1.  My job.  I'm going to tread lightly on this one because I do not want it to look like I am belittling anyone at any place of employment, but I recently made some decisions based on my job status.  I no longer found myself in a mutually positive situation at work.  This lead to looking for and ultimately acquiring a new job.  So now, I do not do customer service anymore... now I am a backup singer for a well known artist currently on a big European tour.  I also became an editor for a local magazine and began playing piano at a dueling piano bar near my house.*  I am much happier with my new occupational doings these days.

2. My health.  Sometimes it takes a good friend being a huge dick to let you know that you've become boring and pathetic.  So after losing that "friend" and finding people who say things just to keep me happy, I finally looked into why that was the case.  After a lot of consultations that I am still paying off and basically being a pin-cushion for a month or so, I have a diagnosis: I'm boring.  And also, my body is broken.  Not to worry, faithful follower, I was given a magical pill that fixes the breaks so I can continue to just be boring, but un-broken.

3. Relationships. Many of you know about Carl, OBNBF, or The Mayor (as some of us call him).  He is the horrible-for-me person, with whom I have formed a very strong friendship, who I on-and-off "dated" for over a year. If you have no idea who I am talking about, just go along with me for this one.  Well he had this hold on me that would send me running back no matter how hard I tried to stand my ground.  After the last stint of our little chess match, I finally figured out what it was; why it always ended; why it kept starting up.  Most importantly, how it was something I could end.  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you.... the AMAZING DEBBIE: now able to be strong enough to stand up for her time and not let it be wasted by something that she knows is wrong for her.  I've since moved on and (GASP!) even gone on a proper date or two since.  Most impressively, I've been able to be friends with The Mayor with no underlying feelings.  I finally looked inside and put my future needs in front of my immediate wants, and somehow the things I thought I wanted (immediately), I don't want anymore.  I have a six, a five, a jack, a four and an eight... I WIN!

4. My education.  So I went to undergrad for Psychology and then decided to go to grad school for Sports Administration.  I worked for a while in sports and while it seems all awesome and sexy, I didn't like it.  Not even a little.  It took multiple jobs, in multiple levels of sports and jobs outside of the field for me to make my life work for me as it does now.  Then, out of nowhere, I started watching Brain Games on National Geographic Channel.  In thirty minutes, Nat Geo ruined my whole life.  That show, while fun and kitschy, reminded me of my first love: Cognitive Psychology.  In college I did research in the field and presented my work in a poster session (and was one of 2 undergrads participating in it.)  I thought for sure I'd go to grad school for psychology and become a professor...and then I went a different path...that I probably should never have taken.  So here I was, watching Nat Geo, thinking about going back to school...again.  I have yet to apply to a school, but I have taken the GRE in a first step attempt to make a change.  I'm also not so sold on cognitive psych.  I love it.  I really do.  I could sit and learn about how the brain takes information and evaluates it so that you see or hear or taste or feel, but I don't think I want to DO that for a living.  So I'm looking at alternatives...but in the meantime, I'm Neil Armstrong-ing this new plan and it feels awesome. here's the thing...  I was trying to make this a top 10 list of things I've learned from reevaluating, but I haven't done that much evaluating.  So I'm done with this for now, but not for long.  I spend a lot of my time over-thinking what I do and why.  I'm a little disappointed in myself right now because this blog isn't very funny and it isn't indicitive of the style in which I prefer to present my life.  Now that it's done, please go back to thinking of me as a self-absorbed, narcissistic, drug-dependent alcoholic with no morals or values.  I much prefer that.  Thank you.


*All of these occupations would rock, but I do none of them.  I do, however, tend to lie...

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