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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Top 10 Things You Can Learn About Me By the Contents of My Purse

10. Toothbrush: I often do not know where I will be sleeping at night. I like to have the necessary accouterments in case I sleep away from home.
9. Odor absorbing packet: A few weeks ago, I spilled an entire beer in my purse. Since then, I have cleaned and cleaned and cleaned it, and it still smells like beer...the odor absorbing packet is supposed to remove the scent without adding a new one...so far, not too bad.
8. Deep Woods OFF! bug spray: Regardless of how humid it is or is not, regardless of the temperature, and regardless of the external factors, if there is one mosquito in the county it will find me and suck my blood. This is bad because (a) I prefer to keep my blood, and (b) I am highly allergic to mosquitoes. I swell up like I have hives and need Rx medications to "calm" the reaction.
7. A ticket to the Cubs @ Brewers game 9/23/09: Yeah. I went to a Brewers game. However, I went looking like this:
Please note: I am wearing a Cubs Jersey, a Cubs hat, Cubby Blue baseball socks, Red Mizuno turf sneakers and a Cubs backpack. Welcome to Wrigley North.
6. Contact case/glasses: This has a two-fold purpose for being in my purse. For reason 1, please refer to item #10 - Toothbrush. The second reason is that I am frequently annoyed by my contacts (probably due to my lacking ability to change contacts monthly as I am supposed to) and taking them out beats the hell out of pushing it around my eye ball with a germy finger.
5. Birth control pills: I am making a responsible decision for my future. Also, it helps to have it on hand in case I don't sleep at home...that way I can still take it on time every day. Also, you now know I take the pill...me and thirty bazillion other women. P.S. a Jewish man invented the pill...insert jokes here.
4. Three separate sets of keys: One set is my car key and key fob. I like to keep it separate from other keys in case I let someone borrow my car. Also, I HATE carrying multiple keys if I don't have to, so if I have my car keys and therefore have a garage door opener, I do not need house keys. The second set is to my house. This set is one key, with my deceased puppy's doggy tag on it and a binny's card. Priorities people! The third set is to my sister's condo downtown. I like to spend a day down there with her once a week...this makes her not have to put the baby down to come get the door. I also like to use her place as a location to change clothes between the beach and dinner dates.
3. Party Glasses: At any given moment I will have at least one pair of crazy, ridiculous sunglasses that can only be pulled off by those prepared to look ridiculous. I often have more than one on hand. I like to think it says "rain or shine, I'm here to party. These aren't to block UVA or UVB rays...these are to help let out the awesome inside." I have every color and shape...blue with yellow arms, tiles of color on a clear background, blue aviators with a white bridge, green plaid, yellow oversized rims...etc.
2. Steelers Lighter: No, I do not smoke. No, I am not a huge Steelers fan. Back when I was in college (3 years ago), my roommate bought this lighter to give to our mutual friend if his beloved Bengals lost to the Steelers in the playoffs (as a joke.) They did...and we tried to gift the lighter to Brian, but he would have none of it. The lighter stayed with me from then on and somehow, through purse changes, moving, being thrown over two backyards into a street and being kicked around, it's still with me.
1. Floss: While you may think this is in my purse for the same reason as the contacts/glasses and toothbrush, you're quite incorrect. The fact of the matter is, I LOVE FLOSSING MY TEETH. It feels awesome and there is no way to do it too much (unless your gums are bleeding, in which case, please call a dentist ASAP.) Flossing is an easy way to keep your gums happy and to keep your oral health at its best. Besides, I never have to go hunting for a toothpick when I think I have food stuck in my teeth. I win.

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