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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Water Rocks (with Prologue)

So I'm sitting here at work, clearly busy, and I go to take a sip (read: a few giant chugs) of water when I notice my bottle is empty. I employ a dark periwinkle colored Camelbak on a daily basis for my water consumption. It's socially responsible. You're welcome world. Anyway... I head to the water fountain to fill it back up, and I feel a twinge of familiarity. I then decide to recall the number of times I have made this trip. Today. The answer is 3, which may not seem like munch until you hear that I drank a full bottle on the way to work today and the bottle holds 24oz. This means I'm currently working on the last 24oz leg of a 96oz day so far. And it's only 3:13PM.

As a child, I hated water. If I was going to take a break from my bike riding, roller blading, playing school or My Little Pony for liquid refreshment, it had better be the yummiest beverage ever, and water doesn't taste good. I'm sure you're saying "water doesn't have a taste" but that's my point. I WANT to taste. A higher power gave me the ability to do so and I don't like to neglect my senses. Sometimes water tastes bad... That's probably the most terrible moment ever: when you take a much needed sip and can't stomach the sulfery cheesey eggy crap that just entered your lips. That's a conversation for another time.

So I decided to list the top 10 reasons I love water (unlike the childhood 8yr old version of me.)

10. It keeps my muscles working their best. Maybe it'll help the ridic knot I have in my right quad which is causing immense pain and knee buckling.
9. It keeps me from feeling hungry. Everytime I think I want food, I just drink 1/2 to 1 full bottle of water. This works almost everytime. Unless I want candy. Then I'm fucked.
8. It helps avoid awkward conversation. When I have someone walk by my office and I'm contentedly sipping on my Camelbak bottle, people tend to continue walking as though to say "let's not interrupt her hydration time."
7. My skin gets noticeably less dry and reptile-like when I am extremely hydrated. This is good because I tend to forget to lotion or body-oil my amazing self each day.
6. My pee is basically clear. Sorry if that's too much info, but I look at my pee color. You do as well, but you're not admitting it, so whatever. Clear pee makes me feel like I'm doing a good job. My body feels this way, too.
5. My digestive system works more effectively. I rarely get that bloat feeling when I've been heavily hydrated before, during and after a marathon brunch buffet that I spent at least $40 on.
4. Water is free. Saving money. Hebrew style! (sorry, that was offensive. But I'm Jewish, and that should lessen the blow.)
3. When I spill - which I have a tendency to do since I have teeny tiny baby arms unable to lift the weight of a small bottle of agua - I don't have to change shirts or worry about staining. Also, if I'm wearing white, I gain attention of male on-lookers. Double score.
2. Water is sooooo versatile. It almost makes up for my incredible stubbornosity (making up words rocks) that I utilize such a chameleon of a product to keep myself running. The only things water doesn't mix with are petroleum based things which, while a very normal product, sounds like a disgusting gloopy material, and I choose water over that anyday.
1. It's hella fun. Have you ever drank out of a Camelbak Water Bottle? I've introduced it to a few doubters and I'm proud to say I've changed their lives. Someone let Camelbak know I want royalties for all the press they're getting (on my baby blog that 10 people read...sometimes.)

End.

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