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Monday, February 10, 2014

I'm on Episode 3 of the Tourgasm DVD and here's why

What do a pink bra, Dane Cook and I have in common?
We are immortalized on a DVD together.  That's what.
tourgasm

In 2005, my amazingly cool friend, Natalie, and I (along with a group of people who I only remember by nickname) took a little road trip to see Dane Cook when he was still telling new jokes that weren't all about sex.
We piled in Natalie's car and drove the 2 hours and 45 minutes from Purdue to Xavier.  Along the way we stopped and picked up more people in Indianapolis and stopped to get items we intended to get signed (or thrown on stage) if the occasion arose.
Yes, we did intend to throw things on stage like groupies at a Whitesnake concert.  No I'm not ashamed.
So after getting a pink bra and undie set at Meijer for cheap, we drew pictures and wrote Dane Cook quotes on the front of it with a sharpie and went to the show.  However, our 3rd row seats weren't quite as close as we had anticipated and I was concerned that the bra wouldn't make it to the stage, so I just held onto it.
Natalie and I proceeded to be those obnoxious girls in the crowd who finished joke punchlines before Dane Cook could get to them.  We also laughed - probably too hard - at Gary Gulman and Bobby Kelly.
At the end of the show, we reconvened with the rest of our group and stood around laughing, joking, and recounting favorite parts of the sets while everyone else jumped in this awful and torturous line of people waiting to meet the comedians and have them sign things.  We just sat on the floor waiting for it to die down.  When it did (and there were only about 5 people left in the line) our group jumped in with fervor.
Gary Gulman signing "my" bra.  Tall, Jewish and Sexy?  I probably should have proposed right then.
Gary Gulman signing "my" bra. Tall, Jewish and Sexy? I probably should have proposed right then.
When we got up to the guys, Jay Davis signed my bra first.  Then Gary Gulman signed it and drew a chocolate chip cookie on it.  Bobby Kelly was next.  This is what happened:
Bobby: Whose bra is this?
Me: Mine
Bobby: [looks at me for just a second too long] Yeah, this doesn't fit you.
Me: Um...[uncomfortable laughter] okay
Bobby: No seriously.  This is...what...a 34 C?
Me: I think so [check the label] yeah, that's dead on.  Wow.
Bobby: Well you're...what...a 36 D, maybe a double D
Me: That's fucking impressive
Gary chimes in: No it's not.  He's perverted.
Bobby: Come on man.  Let me hit on the girl.
So Bobby signed the bra, drew a nipple on it somewhere and then passed it to Dane Cook.  Who signed it (very nonchalantly. I assume because some girl was there with him...) and moved on.
When we were done being borderline inappropriate with guys who were/are easily 10 years our senior, some photographer/videographer grabbed our group and asked us to take a group picture.  With all of the guys.
If you happen to want to watch Tourgasm Episode 3 (The United States of Insanity) you will see in the very last shot of the episode is our group with the guys.  I only know this because I got a lot of phone calls when it aired.  I'm only on it for a split second, but the bra/undie set over my clothes makes me very noticeable.
I guess I'm a bit noticeable (far right if you couldn't figure it out)
I guess I'm a bit noticeable (far right if you couldn't figure it out)
This marks the first time I was on TV (the second was on Animal Planets' Swamp Wars with Gizmo) and the first time I wore a bra and undie set over my clothes - though not the only time.  This also marks the first time I've had a conversation with a comedian, but not the last.  I've also formed a bond with Daniel Tosh over the car accident I was in on the day of his show, but that's a story for another day.
End.

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