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Monday, October 21, 2013

Dating Rules and How I Apparently Don't Listen

Five years ago I wrote a blog (for another site) with hard and steadfast rules about dating.  Firstly, 23 year old me knew what the eff was up.  Secondly, 28 year old me has broken many of the rules, and blatantly.  I decided to copy and paste it here and comment all over it.  My 28 year old comments are in blue.

Alright, I think it's officially time for some unsolicited advice to every single and attached person out there. This is not your everyday version of The Rules. You need not wait a specific amount of hours before writing/texting/calling/courting or wooing...blah blah blah. This is not a list of games.  Please take each "rule" with a grain of salt and take it for what it is - opinion. However, I think you will find if you break any of them, you will find yourself later asking "why didn't I listen?" and if not...well congratulations to being the lucky one. Read away.  Ugh.  Why didn't I listen???

RuleOFdating 1 - Two places to NOT meet people: (1) work and (2) your living place. In the occasion that you end up hooking up with a coworker or condo-mate and you don't want to see each other again, then not only will you despise going to work or home at the end of the day, so will the other person as well as everyone you work with or live near. Everyone will hate you. Everyone. There is no way to keep that quiet or a secret. Someone saw, overheard or guessed correctly and now everyone knows and is in your business. It's not worth it. End. Sometimes you don't end up hating each other, but it's really difficult to heal and move on when your former paramour is in your eye line multiple times a day.  The flip side is the inevitable hiding or avoiding each other in a place that is supposed to be your regular everyday life.  That said, I've broken this rule 1 out of every 4 people... so I have extensive knowledge on this... Ugh.  Why didn't I listen???

RuleOFdating 2 - If you think they are playing games - they are playing games.  I agree with this still.  Game playing is okay in high school.  It's borderline okay in college, but when you're an adult, choosing what you say to get someone to react the way you want or to do what you want... not good.  Not good at all.

RuleOFdating 3 - Don't lie. Yet, don't tell more information than you need to. Everyone has a past, but unless it directly concerns you and the other person at that exact moment, why open a can of worms? There's only one thing I hate more than cancer, and bigots, and Coldplay... okay, I hate a lot of things, but I absolutely hate Hate HATE being lied to.  That should be a rule all on its own.  Don't lie.  The truth may suck or really hurt, but at least it's the truth.  I agree though that not lying to me doesn't mean I want to know about your ex fiance's attachment to her brother.

RuleOFdating 4 - If at any given moment you can list more than 5 qualities you do not like about the person you are dating...stop dating them. Also, stop trying to find 5 qualities you don't like about people. AMEN!  Though I did this with a guy.  I was so hell bent on making it work because he was right for me on paper...but I overlooked many things that were a big deal to me...including his improper use of grammar on a constant basis.

RuleOFdating 5 - If you feel the urge to change a person or change for a person, that is not the right person. Change - nay growth - happens individually. You grow together, not for each other.  Wise point, 23 year old me.  I've had people try to change me.  I actively tried to change one person.  End result - both situations left the person being changed feeling resentful and hurt.  Do not try this at home.

RuleOFdating 6 - If you haven't told your best friend or parent about the person you are dating, stop dating them. You are sub consciously proving you don't accept them for who they are and/or you don't trust the opinions of those closest to you. Neither are good. Both is worse.  Wow.  Ugh.  Why didn't I listen?  UGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  For those friends who I've done this to, please know it was about the guy, not the friendship.  I promise.

RuleOFdating 7 - If you think you are more or less invested than the other person, and you think about it more than once, you are probably right. Either talk to them about it, re-evaluate how you feel about it, or stop dating.  Also possible, you're wrong.  Maybe you feel exactly the same.  This will make you happy and smile.

RuleOFdating 8 - MAKE SURE THEY ARE SINGLE. The end.  UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Why didn't I listen?!  Though, to be fair, since I wrote this at 23, I have listened.  Very well.  Good job 28 year old me!

RuleOFdating 9 - Anything your partner is paranoid about you doing has nothing to do with you. It is possibly a personal insecurity about themselves. For example, if they think you are going to cheat on them or don't trust you it's because they probably don't trust themselves.  If they think you're going to get bored, it's possible that they have a habit of getting bored... just sayin'.

RuleOFdating 10 - Dating is all about attitude. It can suck and be really tedious, or it can be fun and exciting. Choose your attitude.


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