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Monday, November 28, 2011

Top Ten Things You Didn't Know About Me (But You Probably Did)

What's this? Two blogs in two days?? You are welcome!

So I guess I got verbose in the last few case I ever wasn't. I decided to make good on my written promise to make a top ten list of things you didn't know about me (but you probably did know). I realize how self-serving this is, but I'm doing it! You know why? I like myself. I'm guessing you like me, too. So instead of riddling you with stories about one of my places of business or thoughts on men or music, you are getting the [not at all] rare opportunity to learn a bit more about me. If you hate this blog it's okay. I may cry and go back to taking percoset, but I'll be just fine once they kick in, so it's good. Actually, if you hate it you should suggest new blog post topics because I'm currently running out of ideas. Maybe I could blog about my worst first dates - trust me on this: there are plenty. Anyway, here we go!

One of my biggest irrational "fears" in life: condensation. It's not really a fear so much as it is something that makes me very uncomfortable. I do NOT like holding a beverage with liquid on the outside. Beer bottles, water bottles, cold wine, etc. I would prefer to have a coozie, a napkin wrapped around it or an extra cup so I don't get the water on my hands. I know it's only water, but gross. I think it stems from my previously profusely sweating hands. It brings back memories.

Profuse Sweating. Let's catapult off the last topic to this one. Another one that brings out the word "gross." I was diagnosed with hyperhydrosis when I was about 12. This basically means that my hands and feet get super cold, red, swollen and DRIP with sweat. I'm sure you're thinking "we all sweat," but not like this. Not to the point of not being able to wear flip flops. Not shaking peoples hands or wearing black all the time. If I wrote on the chalkboard there'd be a stream of sweat from where I was writing to the very bottom of the board. I had surgery in 2003 to cut the nerves in my back that carry the signals from my brain to my arms and legs. Unfortunately it didn't really work for my that'll be the next experimental surgery.

Recreational Drug Use. Calm down, friends. I do not have a problem with drugs or using them on a recreational basis. I do, however, have a borderline insane desire to try every single drug (in some fake world where it's super safe.) This world is a place where I can get every Rx drug with no hard work, where coke is cheap, clean and safe and where I can still function on a basal level and work at a job when necessary. There's something appealing about the ability to take all of my problems out of my hands and put the blame on an additional substance. I'm sick. Mentally. I admit it and am aware of it though, so I think it's okay. Consequently, recreational drug use is on the list of things I would do if I won the lottery.

My obsession with psychology and psychiatry. I went into psychology for undergrad because I needed a way to go to law school or some other form of grad school. What I didn't realize is that I'd fall in love with it. I did a year of research in cognitive psychology, presented my research and had the best year ever. The thing I also came to realize is that it takes a LOT of work to get any research done, let alone published. I am just not the type of girl who likes to wait for outcomes. Debbie is my name and short-term gratification is my game. Also, on a related note, I only graduated with a 3.57 and I needed at LEAST at 3.75 to get into grad school to study psychology. If you wanna watch a movie about any disorder, I'll see it with you.

I like to read. A lot. I've recently taken to reading during my entire 6 hour shifts at LAF. A lot of people like to read before they fall asleep at night, but I can't do that. The second I start, I nod off. I need to sit down with the plan to read. I prefer reading amazing things like Chuck Klosterman and Chelsea Handler. I also like reading good authors who write crap: like Nicholas Sparks. It's entertaining shit, man.

I want to be in an a Capella band. So Hard! I sing. This is no shock to anyone. I sing songs, I sing what I'm doing, I sing nonsense tunes and syllables. I typically sing harmony and I want to sing forever. This reason alone says I need to be in a band. I don't wanna play an instrument though, because I'm as lazy as I am semi-talented, so a Capella it is! I'll also listen to any song sung a Capella style. I love Boyz II Men, Az Yet, Shai and Rockapella. Can you sing? Know anyone who can beat box? Cool! Let them know I'm looking for 'em.

I hate Hate HATE when people use terms for anything other than their intended purpose. I hate when people use "retarded" unless they're discussing something being slower than usual. I don't like when people say "gay" unless they're referring to homosexuals. I also will never condone the "n" word in any usage. Even in rap. Just stop using it. I know all words are arbitrary and are assigned to whatever people want it to mean that is socially acceptable, but it makes me sad. Especially in the use of the "n" word. Learn the history of it and STOP.

I am the record holder for negative kills. At least among my group of friends. I've only played Halo four times. In those four times I've accumulated a total of 38 negative kills. I get killed so many times that I actually acquire a negative number. I didn't know it was possible to un-die 38 times, or even once, really. You can. I have. In one game I've gotten 15 negative kills. So basically what I am saying is that if you need someone to play Halo with you who will have a fucking blast but allow you to win every game, I'm your girl.

I love unnecessary accessories. I own about 10 crazy watches. I don't own a single one I could wear with nice business clothes. I do own a slap watch and a calculator watch. I also own about 30 or more pairs of fun colorful sunglasses. I only own about 3 pairs of "basic" sunglasses. Why the hell would I own more? I'm very rarely a "basic" girl. I also own 7 pairs of fall/winter boots. I live in fucking south Florida. It only drops below 50 degrees for about 1 week a year. What does that mean? It means I wear boots in 80 degrees. Ankle boots, Fake Uggs, over the knee boots, etc. Conversely, I only own 3 pairs of flip flops. In muthafunkin South Florida!

I wish I could pull pranks off more often. You know that gd-awful television show: The Real World? There was a season where people pulled pranks on each other and it escalated until people were getting their personal effects ruined. That's not a good thing, but pulling pranks is hilarious. The best I've ever done is put a manikin head on a broom stick and placing it where people would see it and freak out. Also I've had members at LAF call the wrong person when they use our phone. This does not satiate my need to pull off bigger and more elaborate pranks. If you have any interest in helping me do this, let me know.

So there ya go. Ten Things You Didn't Know About Me (But You Probably Did). It's not entirely exciting, but it's insight to the messed up smorgasbord that is my brain.


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