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Monday, December 13, 2010

Top Ten Things I Do Which are Semi- or Completely- Contradictory

Top Ten Things I Do Which are Semi- or Completely- Contradictory

10. I consume cold items when its cold. I prefer milkshakes, frostees and ice cream when the temperature drops. I even have a saying for it: if you're warm on the inside, it's warm enough for ice cream.
9. I have cavities all the time. If you know any one thing about me, let it be my crazy affinity for oral hygiene. I brush my teeth a solid 3 times a day. I floss at least 2 times and sometimes I brush with a sonicare and follow up with a basic toothbrush.
8. I am obsessed with Christmas. Seriously, if I could legit get away with dressing as a christmas elf, I would. My jewish mother would not be happy but I would! Some people get upset with all the christmas music on the radio. I don't. The earlier the better. Wanna start in June? Perfect! Happy birthday to me.
7. I HATE baking. I don't know what my deal is, but I'm not a fan of sweet foods, so why bake? Especially when I'm not going to eat what I'm baking. For this reason, if I am baking, you should rightfully assume something is wrong in my world.
6. I like dark purple. Apparently - according to one of my highschoolers - people who like dark purple do not like loud social scenes, prefer to stick to their core group of friends and do not like sports or activities that require physicality.
5.I prefer snow to rain ANYDAY. If that doesn't clear up any confusion on why I moved to florida, nothing will. JK. Especially when it is cold out. I want snow. I love snow. It's gorgeous and shiny. It makes the whole world look beautiful and makes me feel all warm and cuddly. Rain just sucks.
4. I'm an organized mess. One of two things happen in my life. (1) I look super organized and cleanly but in reality have piles of messes to be sorted, or (2) I look like a complete mess but I know where everything is. On any given day in any given room, it may be either one of the above two options.
3. I'm emotional but I don't cry. I refer to my emotions as a gas ball. Once in a while they form into distinguishable emotions, but typically they stay floating around until I get so frustrated or overwhelmed in which case, I make myself cry. I have to watch something super sad or super happy on TV or in a movie. I rarely cry without those cues.
2. I hate leaving voicemails but ill rarely call someone back if they don't leave one. This one is a little complex. Please do not leave me a detailed informational voicemail and then tell me to call you back. Or tell me half the info and have me call you for the rest. In these cases just say, "Hey, please call me back so I can talk to you about _________." If you just wanted to call to say hi, don't leave me a pointless message saying that. I will call you back eventually at which point, you can say hi! If it is important I call you ASAP, leave a brief message to tell me you called and need me to call back. If it's not urgent, don't leave a message. I will see the missed call and return the call when I feel available enough to do so. Maybe (I'm not good with phones).
1. I call these top ten lists and then either do not finish them or do not put them in order of least applicable (#10) to most applicable (#1)
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